Nose job

Three days ago I had nasal surgery, a septoplasty to be precise.  

I arrived at the hospital at 08:00 and after numerous games of boggle on our iPad against Nicole, a futile exercise, I was marched off to theatre for my operation.  To a born again worry pants this felt like Dead man walking as I passed all the other inmates I mean patents with my false bravado.  

I was greeted at the gates of the theatre by some very friendly nurses and the anaesthetist who looked like he was eyeing me up for the amount of drugs he would be needing to put this elephant to sleep.  Anyway, I was made to feel at ease, which as people that know me well would find to be an impossible task to undertake, especially as days before the operation Nicole informed me of the fact that 1 in 100,000 die from Anaesthetic.  Oh really? Yeah. Ah! thanks for that insight.

From there I was taken into the theatre and asked to climb up on to the bed quite a funny sight I should think as I still had on my army green commando socks pulled up to the knee and a big split up the back of my hospital issue gown.  One saving grace was I also had my lucky underpants on under the floral gown they had given me.  

Then it began.  Slap slap slap on my hands which hurt as my hands are quite boney.  Then the anaesthetist said your going to feel a little scratch on each hand.  Yeah right I thought.  All the time people were hovering in and out of my field of vision, like in some cheap American sitcom telling me what they were doing and to relax.  Relax!  I had two people shoving plastic tubes up my veins for f**k's sake was a statistic but hopefully not the winner of the 1 in 100,000 lottery and thought I really should of gone to the loo before I came in here, but that's their problem now! 

My friendly nurse appeared again with an oxygen mask and informed me that it was only oxygen to help me breathe.  Then the aneasthetist popped into view and said you are going to get a bit light headed and drop off to sleep.  He was right it felt like the feeling you get when you have drunk too many warmed Sakes.  All I remember was thinking great, if I do indeed die here the last thing I see is a fricking smoke alarm.  

To be continued...
KK