Religion

OK so Modern Religion isn't really working for us, is it?
I mean we have had it for 2000 odd years which isn't even a blip on how long people have roamed our earth and we are still running around killing each other.  I think mankind needs to sit down with itself and have an intervention.  Something like.
"You have a problem! Sooooooo, you know we love you right!  Well, it's goto stop.  NOW!  You're just hurting yourself and so we have all got together to inform you that we think you should stop with these modern religion thingies that you are addicted to and just enjoy what life you have left in this beautiful earth of ours." "Oh and while you're at it, leave the fucking rain forests alone you dick."

KK.

Social Networking.

I have been on Facebook and Twitter for a while now.  I have a habit of embracing new technology with a pessimistic passion.  I enjoy learning new things which I suppose is good as the Facebook format has changed so much over the years.  Although, What I like best is people's reaction to change and find it so amusing that they feel obliged to share it on the very format they are moaning about.  Hilarious... I can't wait for the Facebook timeline to become mandatory in the UK.  People's heads will explode.  

I must admit I am being drawn further into Twitter lately, my Tweets are meaningless drivel so why anyone would choose to follow me is beyond reason. However, I love to follow people that tweet constantly.  Where do they find the time? Is it their job to tweet.  In particular "one million facts", "urban facts" and "I quote shit" the premiss is excellent for a relaxing five minutes catching up on complete nonsense. 

Before I go, I have got to mention the Facebook police.  Groups of people that finish off comments normally with Hun or babes, you know who I mean.  They seem to group together to put the world to rights, over schooled in political correctness.  It's like observing from the comfort of your computer chair what a bunch of eighteenth century fishwives cackling at each other must of been like.  Fantastic...

Also satire on Facebook, I once made a comment about a guest on the Jonathan Ross show  in which I compared them to another artist of the same, let's say build.  The Facebook police lit up their torches and huddled together ready to lynch me.  Surly if satire offends you, Ross's show is probably not the best show for you.  

Winning
Kk

Nasal douching

All I remember is waking up in the recovery room talking utter bollocks, the most coherent thing I remember saying was "I worked in the Dick Whittington hospital" to a nurse who replied I know you told us.  Repeating myself again, must be getting old.  Anyway, I was glad to be alive and was wheeled out back to my waiting wife.  Nicole was amused by my ramblings as I shouted over to my bed neighbour "this is good shit they give you! A?" deep rooted Canadianism popping out.  

The nurse brought me over some water and the tastiest tunafish sandwich I had ever eaten, I was ravenous.  

After a few hours I was interviewed by a nurse and give my home care instructions.  

Still happy to be alive and with no packing up my nose thank the lord, Nicole drove me home and tucked me up in bed in the room that was to become my cell for two weeks.

As part of my recovery I had to do what is known as nasal douching, yes it exists. Who knew?  I didn't grasp it at first.  However, the second attempt proved quite successful as what looked like half the inside of my nose. No. The whole of my inner nose fell out into the sink... Awesome. You should try it and report back. Full details can be found on the Internet.  

I should mention that an apple iPad with air video installed is a great invention and an invaluable gadget for the bed ridden and lazy to boot.

Captain dog commented that he thought my singing voice had change, still no songbird! But have an individuality to my tone. I guess that's just something Lady GaGa and I have to live with.

all in all I had a good recovery and have become a life long fan of nasal douching...

Laters KK

Nose job

Three days ago I had nasal surgery, a septoplasty to be precise.  

I arrived at the hospital at 08:00 and after numerous games of boggle on our iPad against Nicole, a futile exercise, I was marched off to theatre for my operation.  To a born again worry pants this felt like Dead man walking as I passed all the other inmates I mean patents with my false bravado.  

I was greeted at the gates of the theatre by some very friendly nurses and the anaesthetist who looked like he was eyeing me up for the amount of drugs he would be needing to put this elephant to sleep.  Anyway, I was made to feel at ease, which as people that know me well would find to be an impossible task to undertake, especially as days before the operation Nicole informed me of the fact that 1 in 100,000 die from Anaesthetic.  Oh really? Yeah. Ah! thanks for that insight.

From there I was taken into the theatre and asked to climb up on to the bed quite a funny sight I should think as I still had on my army green commando socks pulled up to the knee and a big split up the back of my hospital issue gown.  One saving grace was I also had my lucky underpants on under the floral gown they had given me.  

Then it began.  Slap slap slap on my hands which hurt as my hands are quite boney.  Then the anaesthetist said your going to feel a little scratch on each hand.  Yeah right I thought.  All the time people were hovering in and out of my field of vision, like in some cheap American sitcom telling me what they were doing and to relax.  Relax!  I had two people shoving plastic tubes up my veins for f**k's sake was a statistic but hopefully not the winner of the 1 in 100,000 lottery and thought I really should of gone to the loo before I came in here, but that's their problem now! 

My friendly nurse appeared again with an oxygen mask and informed me that it was only oxygen to help me breathe.  Then the aneasthetist popped into view and said you are going to get a bit light headed and drop off to sleep.  He was right it felt like the feeling you get when you have drunk too many warmed Sakes.  All I remember was thinking great, if I do indeed die here the last thing I see is a fricking smoke alarm.  

To be continued...
KK

All grown up.

Our little girl is now a big girl, dated 14/06/2010 at the dinner table.

Yesterday Georgia mentioned that she didn't believe / had doubts about
Father Christmas.
I questioned her if he didn't exist "why do we celebrate Christmas
then?" she replied "it's the birthday of Jesus" so I said "but how do
we know it was his birthday he was born in a barn, who recorded the
birth?" She instantly replied "God." My only response was "ok then,
um! ask your teacher about Pagan's and Yule-tide".

I had better prepare myself for these dinner time discussions as I'm
sure there will be many more to come.

KK

One expensive day

Last weekend Nicole took off to Butlins at Bognor Regis for Bekie's
Hen night and by the state she returned in I can deduct that they all
had a good time.

Well, this meant I had to entertain the kids, so we decided to go to
Tides in Deal for a splash around and then for a Scoot around the sea
front at Ramsgate, sounds good Ah.

We got to tides in great excitement and rushed in for some splashing
around in the waves and flying down the slides. We also had a couple
of games of Shark and fishes where I chase the Kids / Fishes around
the pool.

Then Georgia decided to jump in the pool from the highest ledge, Jed
was looking at it and said "No way am I doing that!" so flippantly I
said "Well Jed, If you do I will buy you that 100 pound Star Wars Lego
toy you want". Thinking there is no way he would ever do it as it was
twice his height up from the water. My mistake, I have never seen him
move so fast. Out of the pool and straight up to the ledge, one quick
look at me to suggest, 100 pound Star Wars Lego toy, Right? and leapt
straight off. Not only that the cheeky monkey grabbed his knees in
his first ever bomb. I was a bit gob smacked to say the least, when
his head popped out of the water he said "Yay! 100 pound Lego toy".
Not my best parenting moment but and can honestly say I'm proud of the
little fella on two counts 1, He confronted his fear and 2, He totally
played me the little sod.

Anyway, we got changed and headed out to the car to find a parking
ticket on the window for 50 pounds. In our excitement to get into the
pool I didn't notice the postage stamp sized Pay and Display signs.
Played again! but I'm not so proud of Dover f#$king council.

Hey ho, can't wait to help Master Jed I Silk build his new imperial
star cruiser and I will post some pictures as we build it.

KK

Sunny Side up.

Okay, It's been a while since my last post and I can only confess in
telling you that it has been down to what can only be described to as
seasonal depression.

Now the sun has finally decided to appear after a deep and dark
winter, I'm hoping the thick overcoat of depression will finally be
lifted from my weary shoulders and cast off in the unwanted clothes
bin in Tesco's carpark for some poor old hobo to find refuge in.

Anyho! We spent a day down at the beach hut last weekend but I am
disappointed to find out its not crab season yet.

I also met my first down from London jumped up dingbat whist vainly
trying to catch crabs with left over fish and chips as bait. At first
she seemed like a nice little girl, until I noticed that she
constantly informed me that actually her main home is in London and
mummy and daddy had just bought a second home in Broadstairs. Well I
hope they enjoy it is all I can say. Stupid girl only had sparkles on
her net to tempt the crabs! I mean really!

What she needs to do is rummage through a bin or two for left over
fish and chips like us real local crab fishermen...

KK